self improvement

"Some days I make myself use the mouse with my left hand. This helps develop nuero-pathways in the right side of my brain." I hear this from my coworker in the cubicle next to mine. Though the statement sounds like douchebaggery, he's a cool guy. Maybe more surprisingly, that shit appeals to me. I love self improvement... and it's driving me insane.
I imagine using my left hand for everything - eating, writing, hand shaking, etc. And though in my mind I see myself with a huge, super-developed right brain, the over all effect isn't that great. I have food stains on my shirt, my writing looks like a child's (backward's e's and all), and meeting new people always gets off to an awkward start. People would treat me different, like I'm slow. My boss might consider firing me until she realizes having a mentally challenged man-boy probably meets some affirmative action quota.
I think a lot about all the things I could be doing to better myself. Problem is, I just about never try.

My list of things to do:
1. Guitar lessons
2. Take Spanish classes
3. Learn kung fu (or some ass kicking equivalent)
4. Write short stories, or maybe even a book
5. Turn this blog into a printed zine
6. Read non-fiction
7. Send demos out promoting my band
8. Move to Portland and go to museums with my new Portland hipster art friends
9. Read the New York Times (preferably somewhere I'll be seen doing it)
10. Work out three times a week

I wish I could just leave myself alone. If I watch much TV, I feel bad for not doing something else. I've got several great songs (I think) in my computer collecting dust, waiting for me to write and record lyrics. I've been talking about guitar lessons for over a year now. Seeing as for every thing on my list I may eventually accomplish I'll just make up two more, I'm trying to learn to relax.
"Some days I make myself use the mouse with my left hand. This helps develop nuero-pathways in the right side of my brain."
"Why don't you just learn an instrument?" my other coworker asked.