(500) Days of Summer

The narrator with the soothing voice warned us that this is not a love story and things would not end happily. I should have listened. Instead I let myself become emotionally involved with the characters, only to walk out of the theater feeling melancholy and loss.
Tom (Joseph Gordon-Levitt)'s idea of love was formed by an adolescence of listening to hip pop music such as The Smiths. Tom believed in true love and finding "the one" etc, etc. Summer (Zooey Deschanel) saw love through the lens of her parents divorce, and decided to not be entangled in messy relationships. Which is why, early on in the film after a frolic through Ikea ending in a make out session in a model bedroom, Summer lets Tom know she is not looking for anything serious. This is not uncharted territory and I think you can guess where it goes from here - Tom will fall in love while Summer will refuse to even acknowledge the two are a romantic couple.
So why did I, like Tom, let myself get involved? Why did I leave the movie feeling shitty? I spent the next couple of days thinking about it, and talking to my wife. I think I have an answer:
In terms of relationships, Tom and Summer represent opposite extremes of a spectrum. Tom is more emotional, believes in true love, jumps in without reservation, and is a romantic. Summer shies away from anything heavy, is more logical, and is concerned most about freedom and self preservation. Just about every person can be placed in one of those categories. Obviously, people aren't all Summers and Toms, but they can fall on either side of the median on the Summer/Tom spectrum. Also, people may usually be one but found themselves being the other with a certain relationship.
And that's what got me. In the end, I have always been Summer, not a perfect one of course. I tend to get into relationships fast and I have rarely been so distant and punative. But when things were ending, I was the one who ended it and moved on more easily. All but once. Once I was Tom. I was in love. I thought she was too. But she changed her mind out of nowhere. I spent a long time feeling lost after that while she moved on within weeks and was proclaiming her new guy was the greatest love of her life. I was Tom. It doesn't feel good realizing you are the one who loved most and the other person is pretty much okay with or without you.
It was the only time I was ever dumped and apparantly I'm still smarting about it. The movie certainly didn't offer much solace to we Toms. Summer isn't punished for her crimes. Tom isn't really vindicated. The only comfort offered is that in the end, Summer and Tom grow a little wiser, and they both move a little closer to the middle on the spectrum.
I guess thats the best anyone can realistically wish for. I'll never get that revenge scenario where I accidentally run into her and she sees me being and looking totally awesome and then she comes up to me and confesses how dumb she was to break up with me but i'm married now so it's far too late to make up for her mistake. It probably wouldn't provide the satisfaction I sometimes imagine anyway. The best I can wish for is we are both wiser, a little more careful with other's hearts and our own, and that we're a little better for the time we were together.