My family did not celebrate Christmas growing up. We had no tree, no decorations, no carols...
When people find this out, they show a kind of sympathy that makes me feel I had just told them I was beat up by girls in middle school.
When I was a kid though, I avoided telling anyone who didn't already know. Of course, this took a little imagination on my part every year when asked what I got for Christmas. I couldn't just say anything. It had to be believable. And if I named items that particular friend had already seen me with, the jig would be up. I often fell back on the old pair of jeans and a cassette tape (one year it was G'N'R, another it was Megadeth - all unrealistic as my ultra nosey and conservative parents would never have bought those tapes).
The big advantage to my childhood without Christmas is that every present is awesome, even when it sucks. It still feels new to have people get me anything at all. So even with the bad presents (of which I have received very few), I'm not faking the excitement. Horray Christmas!

Getting Older (and getting used to it).

I used to not understand people making a big deal about birthdays. On my 25th, I got it. I was down for a few weeks and I didn't really get all the way back up for years. It was around then that real life started to bring the hammer down.
First I felt the pressure that I should be doing something more with my life than serving espresso in the Napa Valley and watching Star Trek TNG. I became increasingly aware of how stagnate my life was. I dreaded being asked by friends "What have you been up to lately?" because invariably the answer was a shrug.
Then I went off to grad school. The choice was good but it brought a different kind of problem. I was in a new town where I knew virtually no one but very little to no time to make friends.
Finally, I started my life as an adult in the real world in Seattle. I went to work in the morning, had a desk, and came home to a wife. Those are good things, certainly, but again I was in a new town with no friends, little time to do stuff to make friends, and the free time I had I spent being fucking depressed, idealizing my previous lifestyle (which I felt internally pressured to leave), and worrying my wife.
I'm now back in the town I went to grad school in while my wife attends the same masters program I finished a couple years back. I still struggled after moving back here with wishing for the life I had in the Napa Valley. I had more friends then. I had lots of free time. My responsibilities were very few. But I know this is an idealization and I've come to much better terms with this new phase in my life. Specifically, I've realized that my responsibilities are abstract, and most of them are chosen.
This lesson was driven home by a friend I had. I haven't seen him in years but I still hear about him through his brother. Lets call him Jason. Jason had always been more or less a good boy and didn't do anything unexpected. He attended the private colleges he was expected to attend and made friends with nice middle/upper class bred folk like himself. Jason graduated and started an office job. Then out of nowhere, Jason left everything to go abroad for a year and work in the wine industry. Now Jason in back in town to work in the wine harvest here, but not before hitchhiking from Portland to San Francisco by himself to visit some friends.
So how is Jason so different from me? Is it that I'm married. No. Though I can't just abandon everything at any moment with no planning if I plan to stay married, I still have lots of options. My wife would like to travel and have adventures, and has also encouraged me to take some trips by myself. Jason had an office job. So do I. Jason had debts. So do I.
The difference was completely abstract. My life doesn't make me feel tied down, old, and out of options. Its my view of my life. I could do so many things and have so many adventures if I choose. And with a little planning, it wouldn't be hard to do it responsibly.
Strangely, realizing how free I am makes me happy to stay put and keep doing what I've been doing. Maybe Liz and I will move to Europe, maybe we'll just vacation there next year. We may live in downtown Portland or a townhouse in the suburbs. I could even change my name and shirk all that student debt. While I've got my preferences, while some places and lifestyles suit me more, it does not ultimately matter. What matters is how I decide to see my life (cuz it's actually quite nice).
Lately I remember with fondness those years in the Napa Valley living with my friends and screwing around, instead of that pain in my chest and feeling of longing for a more care free life. I also remember more clearly how depressed I was for a lot of that time. For a while I drank alone in bars every night just to feel like I was doing something with my time. I used to almost fall asleep while driving (it wasn't from lack of sleep). I was not a happy person.
I'm feeling much better now.

Official Kitty Cats of Death fall playlist

Willow Tree - Chad VanGaalen
The Story I Heard - Blind Pilot
Kangaroo/Racoon - The Love of Everything
Wake Up - The Arcade Fire
Dancing in the Dark - Bruce Springsteen
Graceland - Casiotone for the Painfully Alone
Mirror Error - The Faint
Untrust Us - Crystal Castles
Reading Ranbow - 8 Bit Betty
What Can I Do? - Happy Supply
Just Like Heaven - The Cure
Jaykub - Danger Mouse & Sparklehorse
Underneath the Leaves - John Vanderslice
Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
Everyday is Like Sunday - Morrissey

Take Your Carriage Clock and Shove It - Belle & Sebastian

Fuck the Valley Fudge - Grandaddy
White Daisy Passing - Rocky Votolato
A Panel of Experts - Solvent
The Tired Bees - Snowblink

*Note: Please know up front that I don't care what your beef with certain bands are based on some war between chiptune geeks. (I've done the side by side comparison and I really can't tell if they sound the same. Honestly, just about all electro beats sound pretty similar anyway: bass-snare-bass-snare-bass-bass-bass-bass.)

Online game review

More Zombies: (4 out of 5 stars)
Meet Rocco, a regular working class guy just trying to make ends meet with his New York hot dog stand. Rocco's hum drum life takes a left turn when one night when Rocco's ketchup supplier spikes the condiment with some bio hazard zombie stuff. All Rocco's customers (which is the entire city I guess), show up later hungry for Rocco's brains. Rocco is the only one left (apparently he doesn't eat his own product), and must fight his way through the city to meet a mysterious caller who promises to whisk Rocco off to safety if he makes it to the top of the Empire State Building.
More Zombies is simple and fun. You, as Rocco, must beat back the Zombies with your hot dog skewer, unlocking swords, guns, and bombs as you get more points. Conveniently, you don't lose those points when you die so once you've unlocked a weapon, its yours, even if you have to start over. The graphics are fun and gory. Lots of blood spray. I like that the zombie bodies you've killed never disappear. This makes particularly long levels get pretty crowded with zombie gore.
I love just about all things zombie (though I do not claim to be an expert), so naturally, I spent a good few hours on a recent Sunday ruining my already failing eyes in front of this game. I'll probably do it again today. My only compliant about the game is the story between levels. Its a little too goofy. At times it hardly makes sense. The ending scene is pretty lame, but it suggests there will be another installment. Horray!

Jump Cat: (3 out of 5 stars)
The name says it all. You are a cat who jumps over stuff. The music is good and its a fun little game. I don't have enough patience to play more than 5 minutes as it gets hard pretty quick.

(500) Days of Summer

The narrator with the soothing voice warned us that this is not a love story and things would not end happily. I should have listened. Instead I let myself become emotionally involved with the characters, only to walk out of the theater feeling melancholy and loss.
Tom (Joseph Gordon-Levitt)'s idea of love was formed by an adolescence of listening to hip pop music such as The Smiths. Tom believed in true love and finding "the one" etc, etc. Summer (Zooey Deschanel) saw love through the lens of her parents divorce, and decided to not be entangled in messy relationships. Which is why, early on in the film after a frolic through Ikea ending in a make out session in a model bedroom, Summer lets Tom know she is not looking for anything serious. This is not uncharted territory and I think you can guess where it goes from here - Tom will fall in love while Summer will refuse to even acknowledge the two are a romantic couple.
So why did I, like Tom, let myself get involved? Why did I leave the movie feeling shitty? I spent the next couple of days thinking about it, and talking to my wife. I think I have an answer:
In terms of relationships, Tom and Summer represent opposite extremes of a spectrum. Tom is more emotional, believes in true love, jumps in without reservation, and is a romantic. Summer shies away from anything heavy, is more logical, and is concerned most about freedom and self preservation. Just about every person can be placed in one of those categories. Obviously, people aren't all Summers and Toms, but they can fall on either side of the median on the Summer/Tom spectrum. Also, people may usually be one but found themselves being the other with a certain relationship.
And that's what got me. In the end, I have always been Summer, not a perfect one of course. I tend to get into relationships fast and I have rarely been so distant and punative. But when things were ending, I was the one who ended it and moved on more easily. All but once. Once I was Tom. I was in love. I thought she was too. But she changed her mind out of nowhere. I spent a long time feeling lost after that while she moved on within weeks and was proclaiming her new guy was the greatest love of her life. I was Tom. It doesn't feel good realizing you are the one who loved most and the other person is pretty much okay with or without you.
It was the only time I was ever dumped and apparantly I'm still smarting about it. The movie certainly didn't offer much solace to we Toms. Summer isn't punished for her crimes. Tom isn't really vindicated. The only comfort offered is that in the end, Summer and Tom grow a little wiser, and they both move a little closer to the middle on the spectrum.
I guess thats the best anyone can realistically wish for. I'll never get that revenge scenario where I accidentally run into her and she sees me being and looking totally awesome and then she comes up to me and confesses how dumb she was to break up with me but i'm married now so it's far too late to make up for her mistake. It probably wouldn't provide the satisfaction I sometimes imagine anyway. The best I can wish for is we are both wiser, a little more careful with other's hearts and our own, and that we're a little better for the time we were together.

The IT Crowd

Roy and Moss make up the IT department at Reynholm Industries, and Jen is hired to manage them. Finding them not easily managed, Jen instead tries to be the bridge between the two socially awkward outcasts and the rest of the company, which is made up mainly of good looking, young, and shallow Brits.
Noel Fielding (of The Mighty Boosh) occasionally pops in as Richmond, the once power broking business man turned goth sent to live in a back room in the IT department, which is the basement, as punishment for crossing the company's CEO.
The opening song alone makes this series worth existing. Episode one starts out a bit over the top shouty and sit com-ey, but the show gets quite a bit better as it goes along.

Pundit of Fame

I imagine you know who this character is. Here are a few things I did not know about Geraldo Rivera:
Geraldo was briefly a cop in New York in the 70's.
He has a law degree (and practiced for a bit) but only briefly attended journalism school (that makes sense).
He won an Emmy Award in 1972 for his report on the neglect and abuse of mental retarded patients at Staten Island's Willowbrook State School.
In 1977, various media outlets reported that Elvis Presley died of a heart attack. Rivera then investigated Presley's prescription drug records and concluded that he had died from multiple drug intake. His conclusion caused the Tennessee medical authorities to revoke the license of Presley's prescribing doctor.
Geraldo played himself in the final episode of Seinfeld.
In 2008, Rivera published a book about anti hispanic racism called His Panic: Why Americans Fear Hispanics in the U.S.

Talk Show:

Rivera's show started in 1987 and ran for 11 years (though not under the same name the whole time). The last half of the title of an early show ("Men in Lace Panties and the Women Who Love Them") provided pop culture an iconic catchphrase when describing/lampooning day time talk shows. Highlights (or low points depending on your point of view) include a special on Satanism in the U.S. and the now infamous 1988 show in which Geraldo's big dumb nose was busted in a fight that broke out between African American activists and racist Skin Heads. I thought it would be a funny clip to watch but instead it just made me sick. You don't really see Geraldo getting popped with the chair, you just see a crowd of people at their very worst. A little more entertaining is the brawl Rivera initiated with some back water white supremacists. He was subsequently roughed up and cuffed by the police.

Scandals and gaffs:

In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, The New York Times alleged that Rivera pushed aside a member of a rescue team in order to be filmed "assisting" a woman in a wheelchair down some steps. Geraldo demanded a retraction and threatened to sue if one was not issued.
In early 2003, Geraldo was traveling with the 101st Airborne Division in Iraq. During broadcast, Rivera described an upcoming military operation and then began to draw map in the sand, thus disclosing rough locations of the planned actions. Oops. The military nearly expelled the reporter from Iraq. Two days later, Geraldo announced he would report on the Iraq war from neighboring Kuwait.
Geraldo had long been an outspoken gun control advocate. Take this post Columbine High massacre quote: "How much longer are we gonna take it? How much longer are we gonna be wrapping in the flag of patriotism to justify 250 million guns out there? How much longer?" Juxtapose that with a gun wielding Rivera's statement while reporting in Afghanistan: "If they're going to get us, it's going to be in a gun fight. It's not going to be a murder. It's not going to be a crime. It's going to be a gun fight."

From policeman to lawyer to talk show host to news reporter, Geraldo has done quite a bit. He's really a mixed bag of fame and shame, given some of the stupid shit he's done. I really doubt he'll be remembered by most for advocating for the disabled or writing a book about racism or uncovering the truth about Elvis Presley's death. Though his general buffoonery overshadows his more admiral accomplishments, there is something really infectious about his enthusiasm. He comes at every news piece, every TV appearance, like his journalism is gonna make the world a better place one story at a time.

Some more Geraldo quotes:
“What four-letter word do they have in mind? ... Hero?”
“From the White House to the Lust Boat: The Lurid, Untold Life of the National Football League.”
“I think the Jews need me right now.”
“There are so many babies here, ... Take a look, I want everyone in the world to see. ... Look in the face of the baby. ... People [are] suffering, let them go! ... Let them walk over this damn interstate and let them out of here!”
“I'm tired of getting made fun of.”

Pundit of Shame

Meet Steve Doocy of Fox News. This handsome cream puff with his game show host smile co-hosts the the (sadly) popular "news" show Fox & Friends. On this show, he regularly regurgitates the anti Democrat Fox agenda like its juicy grade school gossip. Urban Dictionary calls Doocy "the drunk baby of Fox News". Here are links to a few good Dooce-bag moments: One, two, three.

What Ever Happened to Devo?

By 1975, Devo had undergone a few shifts in members until settling on the final lineup: Mark Mothersbaugh (vox, synth, guitar), Bob Mothersbaugh (guitar), Gerald Casale (vox, synth, bass), Bob Casale (keyboards, guitar), and Alan Myers (drums).
The name Devo came from "De-evolution" a concept that man is not progressing but regressing which most of the band subscribed to. The band caught the attention of already famous artists such as David Bowie and the Rolling Stones.
1980's release, Freedom of Choice brought the ass lashing synth pop single "Whip It". And thats the Devo we know. Since then they've released 5 albums, with a 6th scheduled to come out in 2010. Devo activity has been sparse in the past decade, and there have been a couple line up changes since the beginning, but they did tour in Europe in 2007 for the first time in 17 years. In 2009 Devo played at SXSW performing three new songs.
So there you go. Devo is still around and whipping it.

Check this.

Seeing as how I find out what's cool from my 16 year old sister, I imagine this is old by now. Either way, check out Auto-Tune the News. Flipping hilarious!

Jason Lytle - Yours Truly, The Commuter

Jason Lytle is back. Having left the band and moniker Grandaddy back in California, May 19, 2009, Lytle released Yours Truly, The Commuter under his own name.
I've been a long time Grandaddy fan, which makes it hard to look at this album alone instead of judging it alongside those great Grandaddy albums which have provided the soundtrack to much of my twenties.
Yours Truly is no departure from Lytle's earlier works. It sounds and feels much like the numerous B-side releases Grandaddy released over the years.... too much so. Though some songs stand out, most are familiar ground - mid paced sad piano confessions or acoustic guitar + synth+ some sad but hopeful and seemingly personal lyrics delivered in that simple, high voice. Though I'm glad he is still out there, he may be mining a tunnel that's all tapped out. There are some bright spots - Brand New Sun & Birds Encouraged Him. Over all grade = C+.
For other reviews of Yours Truly, click this.

Check out Danger Mouse & Sparklehorse's release Dark Night of the Soul (2009). Lytle appears on it's two best songs - Jaykub and Everytime I'm with You.

Animal-mania!

Liz, being the kind soul she is, rescued a mama cat and three kittens from a family who was just going to abandon them outside. So now it's crazy animals everywhere!

This is Weezer. Don't tell, but he is our favorite. Weezer is pretty chill but sometimes flips out over his shadow.




(don't worry, i was just playin')







Weezer is Barkley's favorite too.











This is Nostril. My sisters call him Wolverine. I prefer Nostril. Nostril is pretty chill. His near twin, Fish, is not so chill (he's not the favorite).

















In other animal news, Gidget chased a neighborhood cat under the fence and around the neighbor's yard. When she finally emerged from under that fence, she had torn a nail clean off. She had to sport the cone for a few days to keep her from licking her paw all the time. Ha ha ha. Look how sad she is!

Spring time fun.

The world is warming up and it's time for spring time fun. Here are some activities we've been at.

Riding bikes.





Hittin' up the Farmers Market








Eatin' Walla Walla sweet onion sausages at the Farmer's Market (crazy delicious).


Growin' stuff in the garden boxes (not my actual garden here, but close)

Casey and I.

Here's to you, horse.

The Faint

On 5/2/2009 The Faint played the Showbox in Seattle. The set was extremely good. They treated each album more or less fairly (minus their very first which is understandable). I've been a fan since I stumbled across Danse Macabre in 2001 in a random Midwest record store. They lost me on Wet From Birth, but their latest, Fasciinatiion--------> sparked my interest about a month ago. The synths are nice and spaced out and they're not afraid to get a little chip tune-esque with some of the keyboard lines. If there is a theme, it seems to be a look at our inner realities vs. the reality of the outside world. Good stuff. Anyway, they rocked my face off. Since then I've given Wet From Birth another try and found all the songs are good with 4 being excellent.
On a side note, Ladytron (who opened) did not live up to expectations. They tried to put too many layers and it came out like mush. This contrast between sets has inspired me in my own song writing to lay off the synth stacking and keep it simple. Word.

Spokane

The state of Washington sent me to Spokane for several days of training. I expected a mini Seattle. Instead I found the mid west.
<------ (like so) I've been walking around a lot, trying to decide what I think. Pros: 1. The brick building, industrial town feel. 2. Mountains to the north, hills, to the east, and the Spokane river running alongside downtown. 3. The Viking Tavern (click). Try the Reuben Burger. Crazy delicious.




Cons: 1. Spokane has Seattle envy. I was having lonely pint downtown. On my left, a guy talked about the imperative need to get the hell out of town. On my right (in a completely separate conversation) I overheard someone call Spokane a sorry excuse for urban living. Even the NW Inlander (the east side's answer to the Stranger) sound like it's trying to convince Spokanites not to move away.
2. Downtown has little foot traffic at night. You might find this disconcerting as you walk back to your hotel feeling pretty buzzed and some sketchy dude with his hood all the way down is following you asking for change and should something happen to you no one would see it or hear your screams. That would suck.

There was a show at Empyrean Coffee last night. Not knowing the bands, I had decided to go just for something to do.

First was the Tappas. Don't concern yourself with them unless you're into a modern female Hansen. They are good at what they do. I just don't like it.


Next up came Girlfriends. This guy blew my mind. Its a single dude using loop petals to fill out the sound. For each song he got several guitar parts going, maybe some micro korg, then he beat the shit out of his drums. The songs aren't just technically awesome, they have some merit on the sound alone as well.


Grand Sequoia played last. They played a Bend Folds meets high school + thrift store synth. It was toe tapping but not something I'd go and buy (or even look to pirate). I have since checked out their myspace for a second listen. Where the live songs were sophomoric and predictable, the recorded versions are much more electronic, weird, genuine and adventurous. Maybe future sets will stay more true to the originals.

The life of a bar room freedom fighter.

Last night I came the closer to picking a fight with some one than I have in years (or maybe ever). I never said a word to the guy which shows how close I ever come to fighting.
Liz and I were at the Green Lantern having a beer and some mozzarella sticks (crazy delicious). Across the way at the bar, some drunk, red faced middle aged bastard was talking politics far too loudly.
"You know what Obama wants don't you? Socialism! He wants us to drive the same car. He wants us to make the same wage".
The other two happy hour philosophers nodded their heads sagely.
This was amusing. Liz was trying to have a conversation but I was too interested in Red Face.
"You know, people haven't said it in twenty years, and I hate to bring it back up, but you know their kind takes care of their own folk first".
Seriously? I know this is a Walla Walla bar, but I was surprised (maybe naively) to hear it openly. The amusement drained and was replaced with anger. I had to do something.
"I'm gonna shout that guy down" I told Liz and explained what I just heard. She was bothered by the statement too but pleaded with me not to start something, ending with the old standard "He's not worth it".
Hell yeah he is. I should drop kick to scissor hold him till his beer soaked heart goes into arrest. I at least need to say something. But what to do with Liz.
"Okay, here's the plan. When we leave, you go out the door and I'll go tell that fucker what's up. You wait outside and we'll meet at the car".
I usually don't get this far. Mostly I fantasize about what I would do or say to people. But now, fueled with confidence from 3 beers, I had a plan. It probably helped I was feeling tough in working man image with fat sideburns, new hair cut, and trucker hat. I hoped no one there could tell I work at a desk.
Liz was okay with the plan. Red Face wandered in and out the bar for the next 20 minutes, talking on his cell phone. I lost track of him for a while as I tried to enjoy the rest of my cheese sticks and beer. When it came to execute my plan, he had slipped out without being seen. Damn it. Yet another missed chance to stand up to assholes for the stupid shit they say and do in public. I like to think he slinked away in fear after catching one of my "mad dog" looks, knowing he was in for a ass beating.
Probably not.

This is Liz's imitation of me jogging.
I look way cooler when I run.

A study in fashion (lesson 1)

The Pegged Pant

1. Pinch the hem of your jean tight around your ankle.
2.With your other hand, hold the extra material straight out from your ankle.
3.Fold the flap of material so that it lies flat, wrapping it around your ankle.
4. Roll the hem up twice and thats it. Pegged pants are back.

I was first introduced to this fashion move in 5th grade. A new 7th grader, Ryan, came to our one room country school and showed us hayseeds a few things. His mother lived IN the city and he had a brother in high school so we knew he was cool. I immediately started pegging. I never doubted its coolness.
It wasn't enough to peg the pant. I had to get a good one. Some mornings all I could get was a chunky looking roll with the hem of the jean in the wrong place. I would sometimes roll and re-roll the whole drive to school. Sometimes I didn't get a good one until the end of the day. My step mom learned it from watching me and she started helping me before sending me off to school.
PE was the worst because you could never run and keep the peg. After rounding first, I had to decide to stop and fix my jeans or go for that extra base. Imagine how many time outs were called for pegging. And once my jeans came undone, I really felt like a hippy in bell bottoms. It all was a little too complicated.
Then one Monday, Ryan came in with his pants all normal and shit. At recess, he looked down at my ankles an asked "You still doing that?" I undid the pegs behind a tree before going back inside. Pegged pants were out, just like that.

Snow!

We got pummeled this December with record snow fall. I forget what the total inch count was, but it twas Christmas card worthy. The weather and my sketchy tires made a good excuse to work out of the local office instead of the usual commute to Kennewick. The streets were covered. City employees could not keep up with shoveling the side walks. The wall of snow at crosswalks made apparent where they gave up. That week I took every break (not something I usually do) to just walk around down town Walla Walla. The snow was a real hassle for everyone, yet every pedestrian I passed going to the record store or the coffee shop smiled at me. It wasn't the usual smile you give a passerby. It said "This weather is crazy, huh?" And all the sudden it felt like we were all in something together... kind of like camping out.
Oh yah, and the snow made for some sweet donut/brodie/spin outs.


Favorite spin out spots:
1. Field next to the University gym.
2. Village Church parking lot.
3. Corner of 6th St. and Larch.
4. Wherever blind orphans and puppies congregate.
5. Wherever.

S street gang

Whats the best kind of gang? The gang you don't know is a gang. The kind you never see coming. Example: Sesame Street.
They seem so innocent, doesn't it? Careful, you or your child could wake up on the street turning tricks for crack in Grover's apartment. Don't believe me? Let's review the facts:
Angry, lethargic Oscar living in the trash talking to worms (heroin).
Cookie Monster has no control over his addiction (coke cookies).
Elmo is on some kind of upper and wants you to tickle him (jail house bitch).
And the Count is just a cold blooded G. "One cap in your ass. Ha ah ah! Two caps in your ass. Ha ah ah!"
Its a tight operation they run, and they're always recruiting. "Come on kids, come on down to Sesame Street."

Fact and fantasy

I hear some fantastic stories over the phone at work: people slipping meth to elders in their breakfast, someone held hostage in a squalid bedroom, trailer park theives... the list goes on. Thing is, so far they're never true. Real life just isn't that crazy. At least not for those who you think would encounter it.
I call the police and let them know what was reported to me. They check it out and call back. "Nope. Everything was fine. No one was held hostage. They could use some psych meds though."